Parenting the Indigo Child
"Do as I say and don't ask questions." Our generation and those before often complied with that explanation. Even if we didn't agree with it, we followed our parent's orders without question, believing it was for our own good. We did our schoolwork without justification, or any meaning behind its content. We did it because we were supposed to regardless of whether or not we would need the information when we grew up.
Today's children are different than we were. They have entered this world with a sense of who they are and their purpose on this planet. They are already highly spiritual and intuitive Æ a level at which we strive to achieve. The term Indigo is derived from the 6th chakra or otherwise known as the third eye chakra. The color indigo is associated with the third eye and intuition. Things need to have a meaning, a value, and a purpose. They place a high value on integrity, truth, and love. They can sense when someone is coming from a place of love and integrity as opposed to fear. They can tell if it is safe to trust a person and if what is being taught is valid and meaningful to them. They can be highly impatient with adults and teachers because they have already figured out what that person is going to do. They need to be stimulated and engaged to keep their attention. If a parent or teacher is thought to be out of balance, the child will either rebel or become out of balance as well.
The term Indigo child has been coined to describe the new breed of children that have come to this planet to assist us in evolving humanity. The characteristics of the Indigo child may include those usually born in 1978 or later, strong willed, headstrong, creative, with an artistic flair for music, jewelry making, poetry, etc., prone to addictions, an old soul as if they are 13 going on 43, often labeled as ADD or ADHD, intuitive or psychic, possibly with a history of seeing angels or deceased loved ones, an isolationist, either through aggressive acting out, or through fragile introversion, independent and proud, even if they're constantly asking you for money, possesses a deep desire to help the world in a big way, wavers between low self-esteem and grandiosity, bores easily, prone to insomnia, restless sleep, nightmares, or difficulty/fear of falling asleep, has a history of depression, or even suicidal thoughts or attempts, looks for real, deep, and lasting friendships, and easily bonds with plants or animals. (Carroll/Tober)
The term Indigo Child was characterized by New Age philosophy to describe the souls that have elected to come to planet Earth in order to witness and participate in raising its vibrational level. Humans made a shift in consciousness to elevate the awareness and possibilities of this planet. With the new direction we chose, which constitutes peace, love, harmony, spiritual awareness, and balance, we now have a huge job of altering our path and consciousness. To make this shift truly possible we need new energy. Those of the old ways do not know where to begin to make the changes necessary to help this planet ascend to a greater plateau. This is exemplified in the changes currently taking place in our government, world order and monetary system. Hence, the Indigo children gave intent to come here and facilitate the changes.
Indigos have a tendency to rebel against absolute authority, that is authority without explanation or choice. They detest ritually oriented tasks that lack creativity or meaning, and they stand up for their needs and desires no matter what their age. Indigo's also tend to become very angry, frustrated and blow up for little or no real reason. Parents of these children are facing extreme challenges when trying to balance a loving, spiritual perspective while still maintaining their authoritative role. These children are literally demanding to be recognized and act like little adults, baffling parents and teachers with their wit and ability to verbalize their needs so strongly. They are the Indigo children. These are the children that will bring our world into a new realm of spirituality working together as a team to clean up our society of pollution, toxins, bureaucracy and hatred. Their life purpose will change our world for the better.
Often they are labeled as ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). These children are placed on drugs and sedated into forgetting what they came here to do. Is that what we really want to do with our children? Would it not be more beneficial to work with them as parents, teachers and society so they can fulfill their life purpose? These children are our future. We need a new approach. They see through our lies, misrepresentations, lack of sincerity and frustrations. It is mandatory that we live authentically and discover ways to enhance their growth. The Indigo child will demand that you treat them with respect or they will become defiant and obstinate until they get their way!
There are effective parenting and teaching methods that can be utilized to cultivate a more effective relationship with the Indigo child. These techniques are based on parenting strategies, metaphysical and spiritual principals and modifications to the child's physical environment. Oftentimes, Indigos become very angry and frustrated, reacting aggressively either physically or emotionally. Many times they do not know what is really bothering them. I am noticing that these types of angry outbursts are common among Indigo's. They often cannot express themselves adequately, and become over stimulated and anxious. Some simple remedies are to keep their bedroom free of too many bright primary colors, and by making their environment a place where they can go to calm down. Relaxing music, scents, and soft fabrics are very conducive to creating the ambience necessary for their wellbeing. A gentle hand on their back, talking to them in soothing tones and making eye contact can often help calm them down, as well. Providing a physical outlet, such as a punching bag or Tae Kwon Do class can assist them in relieving their frustrations. They cannot handle any type of discord, anger, or an imbalanced environment.
Indigo children are no different than any other child in that they need to have guidance and discipline. If anything these children require even more structure and balance in their lives. The only difference is how we as parents go about providing this for them. For example, instead of telling them that they must clean their room, just because I said so. It would derive much better results by telling them it is important to keep a neat room so that they can find their belongings easier. You could go further to explain how it will help them later in their lives in achieving their life purpose. You can also explain that leaving food under the bed will attract bugs which is very unhealthy. They will respect not being talked down to and they can understand logic over being bossed around. A respectful, even toned, calm, loving but firm voice will get much better results.
We need to model for them how we as parents and society expect them to behave. Since Indigo's often have the characteristics of ADD or ADHD, they might have a difficult time with seeing the big picture. It would be really helpful to break things down for them. For example, First, pick up the clothes off of the floor. Once that is done, next ask them to take the dirty dishes and put them in the sink. Be very precise and specific with your instructions and break it down step by step. Do not give the entire directions at once, in that they will get frustrated and overwhelmed with too much information and will tend to give up.
Another helpful way of setting up discipline procedures with an Indigo child is to have a family meeting where expectations and consequences are discussed ahead of time. Allow your child to participate in setting up the rules and consequences. They will really appreciate the respect given to them. You will be surprised that they will come up with more stringent consequences then you would have. They believe in fairness and justice. For example, if outbursts are a problem with your child. Talk to them when they are calm and not in the circumstance, about ways to avoid such conflicts. What should be done if they get frustrated (such as gaining control by taking a few deep breaths, saying they are sorry and leaving the room, and screaming into a pillow) and what the consequence would be if they should hit someone or verbally attack them (time out, loss of a specific privilege). Later, when they are calm discuss with them how they could have improved on their behavior. Try not to be condemning as the child will only become defensive and will shut down on you. This technique of setting boundaries is imperative in teaching an Indigo how to modify their behavior. Use this for homework procedures, talking back to adults, fighting with others, chores, etc.
The point I would like to emphasize is that Indigo children are special in that they require an altered way of parenting. We are in a new millennium and it is time for us to embrace the new and find ways to improve upon the old. All children have special needs and require respect; the Indigo children, however, are demanding that we begin changing our perspective now. Through love, guidance, nurturance, respect, and enchantment we will harness the wonderful attributes of our magical Indigo children.
To learn more about the Indigo child there are two books available by Lee Carroll and Jan Tober named, The Indigo Children-The New Kids Have Arrived and An Indigo Celebration-More Messages, Stories and Insights from the Indigo Children and by Dr. Doreen Virtue named, The Care and Feeding of the Indigo Child.
Rev. Stefanie Miller is a certified elementary school teacher. She is a parent of a ten-year-old Indigo child, a private reading tutor, a Reiki Master, and an Angel Therapy Practitioner. She offers Indigo Child Parenting Classes/Private Sessions and Children's Story time and Guided Angel Meditation Classes throughout Broward County, Florida. Through innovative ideas and strategies based on spiritual principals and time-tested approaches, Miller shows parents how to gain a broader understanding of their unique child. Through modeling behaviors and group discussions, parents and their children gain new perspectives on how to communicate and appreciate each other.
* Article published as "The Highly Gifted Indigo Child", Natural Awakenings, March 2002.